Random shiznit

This little blog o' mine is in danger of becoming stagnet. My certification in CPR expired years ago, but I'll give it an attempt:

Olivia started soccer again this week. I was happy to see her really charge the goal - she was a little timid last year. Now, if I can just teach her to throw some elbows and land some headbutts we'll be in business.

Our bike shop has to have a sitcom or docudrama in it to make us all millions. 5 full-time employees. Three of us are single dads with daughters. I can't decide whether it's funny or pathetic...

I'm ready for Spring, dammit.

Two people in the last month have told me I look like Kelly Slater (the surfer)...Uh, yeah, we both shave our head and have blue eyes. The similarities end there.

Cold pizza? Seriously, I don't get it. Might as well eat cold oatmeal.

Did you check out that couple that won the Lottery from Georgia last week? Holy shit! I'm reminded that people like that WIN the lottery because people like that PLAY the lottery. "As soon as we get Ethel's gout taken care of we're going on a Royal Carribean cruise. Then we're buying Bert that little Asian whore he's had his eye on at the strip club next to the truck stop..."

I don't like much music being made these days, but I do like Jack Johnson. I bought his latest album a couple of weeks ago and it's like Valium. C'mon, Jack, I didn't illegally download it, I BOUGHT it! You can do better than that.

On the way to school the other day, Olivia asked me if "God is naked?". How do you answer that? "No, honey, he usually rolls in an Armani suit. Now, Jesus, on the other hand, has no style at all. Birkenstock wearing hippie..."

A friend of mine is getting married for the second time next weekend. I thought I had something clever to write about that, but I don't.

My parents tried to call me from Mexican prison the other night. I told the guard I had never heard of them. My mom had apparently run nude through the streets of a local town during Siesta. My dad was behind her in a bull outfit. I guess they thought they were in Spain.

That last paragraph was a joke....I just need some spice today.

My brother once shaved his crack. Said he couldn't fart for a week....That's not a joke.....no matter how you look at it.

Peace out, bitches

Done before I started

Didn't mean to write two negative posts in a row, but I'm done with my attempt to try and race a bike again. I'm giving the bike I've been loaned back and stopping the attempts to train when I know I just can't make the time or muster the enthusiasm.

I won't quit riding all together, but I'm just setting myself up to be disappointed if I try to race. I'm still a category 2 rider, which means I'd have to race with Pros most of the time. I could race masters, but I just don't think it will give me the rush I need. Cyclocross was different and new, but I've been a successful road racer and I just can't seem to adjust. My dad can probably relate to it. He was a National Champion in car racing, and I'm sure no matter how old you get it would be hard to go back to regional racing.

I was sick for two weeks and didn't pedal a stroke. Now, I just don't have the energy. I've ridden twice in 3 weeks and the season starts in a month. Riding, I had hoped, would be therapeutic. To a point it has been, but I need to compete to be happy.

I've got some serious issues I need to deal with in my life. Cycling will just have to wait.

Feeling pretty low

Did you ever feel like you were the only person in the world dealing with the trials and tribulations of life? Surely it's selfish to believe that you are unique enough to be any different than anyone else.

Right now, I question whether I'm the person I think I am or want to be. I think everyone wants to think they are an honest, decent, intelligent, caring, friendly, successful, and driven person. I'm too confused and angry to know anymore.

I feel like a Robbie Williams lyric:

And you know and you know
Cause my life's a mess
And I'm trying to grow
so beforeI'm old I'll confess
You think that I'm strong
you're wrong
You're wrong

Pray for me Thursday at 5:15

Olivia and I are finally going to the Hannah Montana 3D spectacular! OH MY GOD, I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

So, for those of you that don't have kids, this thing is just a taped concert, essentially a movie....oh, yeah, in 3D. Her mom paid $32 for the tickets. No, the three of us aren't going, just me and Olivia. Seriously, I'm pretty sure I payed less for my first LIVE concert, and I doubt I'll even get a contact buzz. Of course, this is HANNAH MONTANA, not Loverboy.

I ventured to the other prepubescent girl craze this weekend - the American Girl store. Amazing. I had the typical "why didn't I think of this" thoughts, but I don't think my feeble mind is capable of the marketing ideas this place has. Unfortunately, we didn't have 4 hours (not kidding) to wait for a table at the Bistro, where they would serve a mini meal just like your daughter's (or gay son's) to your American Girl doll.

We also didn't have time to wait in line to dole out $20 to have her doll's hair styled. There are adult women who put your child's doll in a mini salon chair and style their hair to your liking. I'm sure tips are accepted.

One bonus (although I'm not in the market for one) was the droves of hot moms walking around in their hip "I want to be like my daughter" clothes. I don't venture to Alpharetta much, but there are distinctly two different types of moms walking around with their kids. You've got the Snoopy sweatshirt, hair stuck in the 80's, Keds-wearing moms and the "there's a chance I might get laid at the mall" moms - no inbetween. I put my blinders on, paid 100% attention to my daughter, gave the nice cashier all my money and left after a trip to the merry-go-round.

The missing tooth and los americanos terrible...

This pic is for my mom and dad, who are currently getting their tan on and rolling tortillas south of the border. My dad has probably befriended the local Mexican engineer, helping him translate some of Newton's laws into his native tongue (and, of course, pointing out where Newton might have been wrong.) Meanwhile, my mom has already been branded "La Risa" or, loosely translated, "The Laugher". They probably have no idea what she's trying to say as she thumbs through her dog-eared copy of Spanish for Idiots, but they know she is the Happy American.

My mom left me a cryptic voicemail last week. Apparently, they were about to enter Mexico. I could have sworn she was calling from the launchpad of the Space Shuttle. "We're heading off into the unknown territory. We'll be out of contact for quite some time...." Elton John sounded less fearful when he sang Rocket Man. I thought I could hear my dad talking to the Border Patrol in the background..."La senorita es loco...." then "Our gross vehicular weight is 28,654 libras. How many pesos do you need, Senor?" Aye, caramba!

The Canadians are currently digging a 3000 mile trench across their border from my parents' visit last summer. The USA will probably be an island in short order after their current trip....

Love you, mom and dad!

High School Hannah Montana Musical

I give up. I'm so High School Musicaled - Hannah Montanaed out that I swear they are one in the same. Now my kid is convinced that TODAY is the only day that she can watch the new Hannah Montana concert/movie thingy. She literally freaked out last night when she saw the commercial: "Ohhhhhhh my goooooshhhhh! It's tomorrow!!!!" You'd think the Beatles had come back and were playing in our backyard.

I don't get it. Both phenomenons are not horrible entertainment, but they have certainly gripped every single little girl I know. That, coupled with the American Girl craze, makes being a parent in 2008 a very expensive and annoying venture. It's all the ancillary shit that just drives you nuts. You can't go anywhere without getting the High School Musical balloon, or the Hannah Montana hairbrush set or the American Girl doll storybook. I'm "mean dad" and can say NO, but I'm tired of having to say no all the time. I'm barraged by all this crap.

Is it wrong for a 40 year old dad to watch High School Musical for the 30th time and think about which of those peppy little high school girls is the hottest? Is it wrong for me to want to wring the neck of the Hollywood dick that ever thought Billy Ray Cyrus was worthy of putting on ANY show? I don't give a damn how talented his daughter is - that guy is the shittiest actor in the history of acting (with the possible exception of Keanu Reeves, who is deplorable.). Is it wrong for me to think that it is below me to don a pair of 3D glasses to watch the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana Concert with my daughter this weekend?....'cause you know I'm going to friggin' do it with all the other pathetic, slave-to-their-daughter dads across this country.

Tooth Fairy visits Marietta....News at 11:00

DATELINE: Marietta, GA (Reuters)
This just in: Olivia Brookshire has lost her first baby tooth. The evacuation took place during "snack time" at the Wood Acres School yesterday at approximately 11:15 a.m. The tooth was saved in a napkin and placed under Brookshire's pillow at 8:25 p.m. Authorities estimate that sometime between 9:17 p.m and 3:00 a.m. a hagard winged fairy stole the tooth and replaced it with $1.50 in U.S. currency. Pictures to follow....

On the bike....some

There are maybe 10 people that know about my silly little blog. A couple of them just want to know how the cycling is coming along. In short, it's winter....

I broke my main frame on the trainer a few weeks ago. I've got a lot of bikes, but most of them are old. The good ones I have are my track bike and my cyclocross bike, both of which aren't for the road. Here's where working in a bike shop pays off. Mike has given me permanent loan of a LOOK 565. This is a handmade, full carbon fiber French frame. A really nice ride. It's ultimately probably not what I want to race this year because I need something a little stiffer, but it's what I can get with two pennies to my name.

I've been trying to ride to work on the days I'm at the shop. It gets me a little more than 2 hours on the bike. I'm also trying to get on my trainer a couple of times a week and do some video workouts. Everybody keeps coming in the shop asking when I'm going to race. It's realistically going to be April. I hate the cold and I refuse to race on the road unless I'm in shape. Cyclocross was fun, but I won't stand for getting my ass kicked for long on the road before I quit.

I'm applying for an assistant teaching position here in Cobb County that is to be filled soon. I would take it if offered. It pays more than the bike shop and I get weekends off. I am trying to get into the GATAPP program which will allow me to go back to teaching full-time and work on my certificate. I'm certainly not doing this so that I can race a bike, but it would allow some more freedom with my schedule if I get it. The main motivator is making some more dough and still getting to spend time with Olivia.

When I'm on the bike I'm beginning to feel pretty good. I'm starting to do some upper body work because my back is hurting like always. Knock on wood, I've been pretty pain free this time around. I think this time around that cycling is more of a therapeutic thing than a competition thing. That said, anyone that knows me knows I hate losing :)

Death....

Ohhhhhhhh.... shit......:-(

kickass snowman

Olivia and I sculpted this guy in honor of the soon-to-be-top-5 ranked Tennessee Vols basketball team!

The snowstorm, corn on the cob, and the damn treehouse

I worked 15 hours yesterday as we did inventory at the shop. It started snowing in the late afternoon, a real rarity here in Atlanta. When I got home after midnight, stately Brookshire Manor was covered in a soft blanket of wet southern snow. Like a moron that had never seen snow, I stood on my front lawn at 1:00 a.m. and took a picture.

Olivia was in a good mood when I took her to school this morning. She's excited because she's got a loose tooth. Apparently it hasn't affected her ability to talk my ear off all the way to school.

Unbeknownst to me, we are having a "sleepover" party at my house on July 4th. Olivia is going to cook my favorite food, corn on the cob (who knew?). Sure, I LIKE corn on the cob, but it doesn't register on my favorite food radar screen.

The sleepover will take place in the damn treehouse (see earlier post). I've been thinking about this damn treehouse. I had a plan where I'd take a couple of hundred bucks in materials and a couple of days of labor and probably make something she'd enjoy. Uh, wrong! Apparently the treehouse is going to be big enough for sleepovers for her friends where "it has to be big enough to play Duck, Duck, Goose".

I think the damn treehouse is about to become one of a long line of lessons in DISAPPOINTMENT for Olivia. Hopefully, her mother has prepared her for this. I kid about the damn treehouse, but it's hard for me not to laugh when I think about what her vision is and what reality will be. Anyone reading this knows I'd fall on a hundred swords for my daughter, but I'll probably always be known for things I didn't do. She is, after all, a princess.

This poor tree has no idea what my daughter has in mind.>

Mensa Matters

If I get another call from an Ivy League school about my daughter I'm going to scream! Olivia got her report card yesterday, and, once again, she has left a sea of 5-year olds drowning in her academic wake. My little girl whips other Kindergartners with half her brain tied behind her back!

Seriously, Olivia is doing great in school and it makes me one happy dad. I beat myself up a lot over the fact that her mom and I are divorced, but she honestly seems to be handling it about as good as I could hope. She has her moments, but so far school has not been a problem. I can only dream that one day she will matriculate at the University of Tennessee and eventually claw her way up the corporate ladder and work in a bike shop like her dad....

The Ride

Tuesday was my day off. I decided I'd go for a ride on the Silver Comet Trail - it's a former railroad track that has been paved. Ultimately, it will go all the way to Alabama. It's very well maintained and goes through some beautiful parts of Georgia.

Tuesday started cloudy when I left about 8:45 from the trail beginning in Smyrna. It started to clear a little about 20 miles in. I was feeling good, there was no traffic, and the scenery was much different since the leaves are off the trees. It wasn't until I went through this long, high tunnel that I realized I had never ridden out so far on the trail. I decided to keep riding. I got hungry around 35 miles and saw a sign indicating that Rockmart, GA was about 5 miles ahead. I figured I could stop there to get something to eat. I only had two water bottles and a couple of packets of 'Gu'.

I got to Rockmart and pretty much rode through it - it was smaller than I thought. I kept thinking I'd see a trailside store of some sort. I got to the other side of the town and pulled over to a park bench. I'd been on the bike for almost 2 1/2 hours. I originally only intended to ride that long!

I turned around, went off the trail and found a gas station. It was then that I realized i only had two bucks on me. I bought a huge candy bar and a pack of crackers, filled my bottles and headed back. Up to that point I had really been ejoying the ride - nice weather, lots of streams, ponds, wildlife that I wouldn't usually see.

People often ask me how I took so much time off the bike after racing seriously for a few years. It was easy....because I didn't LIKE riding bikes. I liked RACING bikes. Sure, I grew up pretty much attached to my bike, but it was a means to get from here to there and a source of fun as I jumped it off walls and tore through the woods. Riding a bike for the hell of it as an adult didn't offer a lot. I'm finally learning to enjoy it again.

So, I'm about 35 miles from my car, not exactly happy with my meal and I've seen all the shit since I just rode the same stretch of trail. The ride stops being fun. I trudge on for another hour and start to feel the effects of over 60 miles in the saddle. My knee is hurting a bit, my butt is not so comfortable and I'm craving something good to eat. The last 20 miles sucked. I got to my car, threw my bike on the roof and headed straight for the border - Taco Bell.

I wish I could bottle the feeling I had for the first two hours of that ride. Unfortunately, the ending is what I keep remembering....

Resolution?

Over the last month, no less than 4 people (might have been more - I have an ADD problem) have made mention of the fact that I'm a little angry...a little pessimistic...a little negative. I'm aware that I can be a bit of a cynic, but thought I had done a good job of covering some of the other stuff with humor. I could write a book on why, but instead I'll just let the people know that read this blog that I'm aware of it and am going to attempt to change my attitude. If you are reading this, and haven't just stumbled upon my page, then you should also know that you mean something to me because I haven't let anyone know about this except those close to me.

I read another blog by a guy I've never met in Colorado. He is a bicycle racer, but that's kind of beside the point. He also has an amazing way of showing appreciation for the simple (and not so simple) things in life - he's humorous, intelligent and optimistic. Last week he wrote this:

Live better.
Live fuller.
Live more creatively.
Live with blood in your veins, not vinegar.

Sounds like sage advice for 2008. If you see me acting otherwise, grab me (to make sure I'm listening) and remind me of it. Have a great year!

how much is this?

I couldn't make this up if I tried....

So, I'm in the Dollar Store buying stocking stuffers (and primary gifts for those I don't like, but have to buy a gift for). As the toothless woman is bagging my stuff this oriental lady (honestly, i'm not picking on her because of her ethnicity) behind me asks the cashier "How much is this?".....I shit you negative.

To the cashier's credit, she nonchalantly said "Everything's a dollar". Oriental girl looks happily surprised -Then she asks "Well, how much is this?".... I swear I almost took the dollar spatula I had just bought and slapped her till her eyes slanted vertically. Then I would have taken my dollar ball of twine and tied her up and lit her on fire with my dollar lighter. I would have written a eulogy on my dollar notepad with one of my ten-for-a-dollar pens. It would have simply read: "I died because I asked a stupid question."

This is the world I'm bringing my daughter up in. Please, God, look out for her.