The $10 Movie (warning: explicit language & content)

Me: "One ticket please."
Punk behind the glass: "That'll be 10 dollars."
Me: "Uh, no, it's just me, I'm not paying for the guy behind me."
Punk: "Yes, sir, that's 10 dollars."



What the fuck??? If the guy is gonna do that to me at least he could have lubed me up with some of that dispensable popcorn butter.

Since when the hell did a ticket to a movie cost $10? At the risk of sounding like a grandfather, I remember when movies cost $2.00.

Cyclocross....WTF???

I used to race bicycles. I'll probably write about that in detail at some point, but what is pertinent now is that until 2 months ago I hadn't raced in 10 years. I spent 8 of those years not pedaling a stroke. I tried to get back on the bike a little last year, but gave up after arthritis in my hip bothered me too much.

Well, this summer I started to ride again. Not much, but I've been trying to ride a few times a week since June. Fast forward to October and I'd been conned into trying cyclocross, which is basically a sport for people who like pain. It entails riding a machine that resembles a road bike, but with knobby tires. You race mostly off-road, but it also requires you to get off the bike, run up unrideable hills, over barriers....and even through ankle deep sand at times. It's totally masochistic.

I suffered like a dog the first two races. Came back with bruises on my calves, groins and ass. I fell a lot and ran into barriers. I also ruined some equipment and seared my lungs like a steak left on a forgotten grill.

I've gradually done better, and last week actually finished in the top 10 at the State Championships in the Masters 35+ category. I'm also proud of the fact that I finished the A race - the top tier of cyclocross racing. I was the last recorded finisher (13th) but outlasted several people that quit because it hurts so f***ing much.

I'm going to try and post some detailed accounts of the last two races in the series to let you know what a typical weekend is like.

Tennessee Football Wears Me Out...

So, I spent 6 years at the University of Tennessee. Tonight their football team probably took those 6 years off the end of my life. We beat Kentucky in 4 overtimes to move to the SEC Championship next weekend. I'm excited about that, but what I'm more excited about is that GEORGIA is NOT going to the SEC Championship.

Georgia fans are delusional. Every year they claim it's going to be a "rebuilding" year....but wait until NEXT year. They've actually been a pretty strong team the last few years, but they still haven't played for a National Championship in 27 years....but you hear about that championship ALL the time. If they made a statue of just Herschel Walker's balls, every Georgia graduate would lick them as they entered the stadium.

What tickles me this year is that Tennessee (an admittedly average team this year) kicked Georgia's can by 3 touchdowns in October. While Georgia will probably end this weekend ranked in the top 6 or so, Tennessee will still be playing for the Conference Championship and the "Herschel ball lickers" will be watching on their favorite 13" black and white TV.

Let's kick it

Welcome to the Short Bus. This is my bloggity blog. I feel so 2007 now. I'm not sure what kind of content will end up here, but it's guaranteed to be infrequent, about a multitude of unimportant things, and satirical.

Read at your own risk...