Brookshire Dominates College Football Handicapping Competition

(ATLANTA, GA)

Brookshire, a name synonymous with winning, is on the tongues of Las Vegas wagerers this morning. In what was billed as an epic season-long handicapping competition between three college friends, there really was very little actual competition. James Brookshire, aka "The Puppet Master", simply toyed with his buddies, ultimately sinking the dagger with his Nostradamus-like predictions during the 5 game bowl season. The fact that he will go 4-1 after Florida covers on Thursday is simple gravy at this point.

"There's a homeless guy that shits on my back porch every week. During the season, I'd put out a newspaper and wherever his logs landed is who I picked that week" says Brookshire, laughingly. "It turns out that I could stay competitive with these guys with that technique, and I didn't have to waste any time scouring the scouting reports each week". "When the bowls came around, I simply used my superior knowledge of all things sporting, and pretty much rocked the house".

Recently ousted Tennessee football coach, Phil Fulmer, had this to say about Brookshire: "The kid is always in it for the long run; witness the fact that it took him SIX years to get a degree from UT. He also knows a lot about college football". "James could have probably won this competition with half his brain tied behind his back, especially against a couple of known homosexuals like Bruce and Kyle. They might know a lot about which jersey fabric resists grass stains or what end-zone pattern might compliment the band's uniforms, but they are clueless about the actual game of football".

When asked if he had any comments about his competition, Bruce Irvine and Kyle Rankin, Brookshire had this to say: "Bruce's winning percentage was quite strong...if he were vying for a major league batting title, where getting a hit 3 out of 10 times is impressive. Kyle reminds me of that "special needs" kid that lived down the street from me. You know, the one that talks a lot, but makes no sense. His knowledge of college football is similar to his knowledge of female anatomy; he knows what the parts look like, but has no idea what to do with them."

Brookshire sadly laments that he has no room in his Marietta mansion to display the winner's trophy. "Look, winning is nothing new to me. When it comes to trophies, medals and ribbons, I've got more hardware than a well stocked Home Depot. Knowing that Bruce was responsible for the trophy, you can assure it's small (because he knew he wouldn't win), so I'll probably display it like a Tiki Doll on the dash of my car".

When queried about what he would do with the monetary portion of his winnings, Brookshire became more stoic: "I've thought long and hard about this. I think that I will donate a portion of it to the University of Tennessee athletic department, in hopes that they might be able to buy a win for their football team next year, and the rest I will give back to Bruce and Kyle so that they can buy a clue about college football wagering"