this week

Working a bike race on Saturday for the bike shop. I'll be the "holder" for the time trial...should be a lot of fun, not. Saturday night I'll head to Alabama for the Bump N' Grind mountain bike race. I'll be helping some of the Sorella cycling girls team, and, if I can get my 15 year old mountain bike together, I'm gonna race. Blue Bicycles has offered me one of their team bikes to race, but I know my history with mountain biking and I'd rather risk my own stuff than destroy one of their bikes!

The news keeps getting worse about friends and crashes. A local rider who I've only met briefly was hit by a car while warming up for a race last weekend and is in intensive care, soon to undergo about 10 hours of facial reconstruction surgery. Just heard yesterday that my good friend Steve was in a racing accident in Chicago this past weekend - broke at least 8 ribs and punctured a lung. I don't know what's going on, but I sure hope it stops soon.

Olivia started the first of her summer camps this week. She'll spend the night with me tonight because I won't see her for a while as she goes to spend next week with her maternal grandmother. She'll be taking tennis lessons while there. I have gone to the courts with her three times in the last week. She's actually picking it up very well. I'll have her out playing with my brother and sister soon - both much better players than me.

When I make my millions I'm gonna hire a guy (or a cute girl) just to follow me around and tell me where my cell phone, wallet and car keys are.

Mortality

13 years or so ago I called my mom. I had about 3 hours of sleep on a Naugahyde couch in an apartment with no air conditioning that I was sharing with about 6 other cyclists. The night before I had crashed hard on the track. I woke up on a backboard, totally unaware of where or who I was. About 6 hours later I was discharged from the hospital in the middle of the night, after spending a few hours with Nurse Ratchet, who informed me that she was tired of stitching up "you crazy cyclists". Here's a tip, bitch: Don't work in the ER of the closest hospital to the most competitive velodrome in the world.

My friends had accompanied me and drove me home. Unfortunately, they were all gone when I woke up back at the apartment. We were all supposed to leave at 6am to head to US Track Nationals. They left, I stayed. I was under strict orders not to drive a car for 10 days as I had suffered a pretty nice concussion along with losing about half the skin on my right side, several cracked ribs, a sprained wrist, a swollen shut left eye, and half of one of my front teeth was missing. When I called my mom she immediately knew something was wrong. All I could tell her was that I hurt all over as I started crying like a five year old that wants her ice cream.

That day, my coach told me I needed to ride my trainer because I had to keep the blood flowing. I rode for ten minutes before I realized I couldn't even balance myself on a stationary bike.

In the past week, three of my friends have been hurt pretty badly in seperate bike accidents. Ryan may never walk again (he had surgery on Friday to try and relieve the paralysis)....Brendan looks like he was beaten by an angry mob, left to bleed a while, then beaten again for good measure... and Amy (who I haven't talked to) apparently has at least one broken bone.

Brendan, you weren't pretty before...and you sure aren't now, bro'

During the first race my mom went to watch me she got to witness a crash in the race before mine, front and center. She immediately turned to me and said she'd pay for a year of car racing if I'd quit bikes then and there.

I've been around car racing my entire life. I know only a handful of people that have been seriously hurt. I don't know a friend of mine that HASN'T been in some sort of bike wreck. I've been in two races where riders died. I have arthritis in my hip from a wreck that will never go away. I like to think I have an incredible pain tolerance, but that really doesn't matter, because for the first time in my life I'm a little scared to ride a bike.

Friday

Happy Birthday, Mom!

No big plans for the weekend. I have to work at the shop both days. Unfortunately, I'm going to miss Olivia's last soccer game of the season and her gymnastics recital. If the motivation to get out of retail wasn't strong already, missing events like this just make me more determined.

Olivia brought up the "damn treehouse" the other day. She reminded me that I said I would build one in Spring. "Well, Daddy, it's spring". She didn't seem too upset when I told her that it probably wouldn't happen this year. I took her for ice cream and she seemed to forget about it.

What a week!

EDIT: Believe it or not, Comcast was able to retrieve my e-mails and all is well. Kudos to them. Now I feel better about the huge amount of dough I pay just to have access to the silly internet!



So, I logged into my e-mail this afternoon....nothing. All of my e-mails are gone - from the inbox to the "sent" files. Comcast has no idea what happened, but they are "looking into it". Somehow I doubt they have a dedicated place for my e-mails in cyberspace besides right where they've always been.



Shit happens in 3's, or so they say. I've had my share this week.

Life is Good

Excuse this emotional post. I'll be sure to follow it up shortly with something funny and politically incorrect.


I was raised to take care of myself. I was provided everything I needed to be successful in life - including parents that instilled a good work ethic, morals, respect, a sense of humor and a positive outlook on life. My brother, my sister, and I knew that my parents would always be there for advice, a helping hand, an open door to visit and unconditional acceptance of our friends and those that we love/loved.

I never expected or wanted to ever ask my parents for financial support, a place to live or to bail me out of mistakes... and, for the most part, I never have. I've made plenty of mistakes, but I've managed to work my way through them. Call them "life lessons", if you will.

My parents jumped to help me twice in the past couple of months when I needed them. It didn't matter that I haven't been the model son the last few years. I've been caught up in my own self-absorbed world. Granted, I've been through a lot, but I tend to internalize things instead of reaching out. I don't communicate much when I'm embarrased or disappointed in the direction my life is going. It's probably just the opposite of what one SHOULD do. You can tell when things are going well in my life - you usually hear from me! When they aren't, I tend to clam up.

I want to be the type of parent that mine are to me. I'm 41 years old and shouldn't need to ask or expect anything, yet they overlook my faults and help me out. I'd love to say that life isn't fair sometimes, but ultimately we are all responsible for where we are and what we've become.

As I said, I've screwed up plenty in my life, but one thing I know is that I'm a pretty good parent to my daughter. I think I'm better than a lot of dads that actually live with their children. I may not have much to give to her, but I hope (and think) that I am "there" for her. She's five years old, but knows that I love her and will always be her dad. Sometimes, I can even see that contentness in her eyes - and that makes me happy.

The Weekend

Spent the weekend with the 'O' Show. I seem to always say it, but she's really growing up too fast. Bear came over for the night and he was in the bushes in the backyard and I couldn't see him. I asked Olivia where he was, and she said "I don't know. Running around in La La Land, I guess." What kind of response is that??

We picked flowers in my yard for her mom for Mother's Day. My house has a bunch of neat flowers & plants that the old lady that lived here before planted. This year, some Irises came up that weren't here last year. I've got several rose bushes, as well. Olivia grabbed one, forgetting that they have thorns. The tears flowed and she reached out for me to hug her. She's growing up, but it's nice to know she still needs me.

Did some decompressing this morning by working in the yard after a busy week last week. Gotta start enjoying life again. I'm trying to get a new perspective. I sat at a birthday party this past weekend and just listened to the mothers - complaining about their busy schedules, annoying in-laws, sagging real estate, and un-involved fathers. There's got to be more to life than that. Life's full of positives that we often overlook, including myself.

It's Friday.

The good news: I didn't damage the bike or wheels I borrowed last weekend, and I made $50 for finishing 10th. The bad news: The field was small and I was never in contention past the first two laps. I felt bad warming up and it never got better. I think that burning the candle at both ends is catching up to me - I've been exhausted this week. Last night, I took two sleeping pills to see if I could get some adequate rest. No luck. I took them at 9:30, didn't fall asleep till well past midnight and was up at 6:05.

Olivia has two more weeks of Kindergarten. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. The other day she remarked that she's glad that people don't go smelling other people's private parts like dogs do. Quite the observer, that little girl of mine.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you.

not smart

So, I'm sitting here at 11:30pm and I just finished tuning the bike I'm going to try and race in the morning. It's a bike I'm borrowing...that I've never ridden...on wheels I'm borrowing...and I put a small allen key through the tip of my thumb this afternoon....should make for a stellar race tomorrow.

My thumb is throbbing and should probably have a stitch or two in it, but I don't need to get drunk enough to do it myself, and I'm certainly not going to the emergency room.

I'm going to take some Advil and see if I can get some rest.