It's been brought to my attention that I have a couple of pet peeves that may be bordering on neurotic in my abhorrence of them. One of them is my obsession with being on time - the other is my radar-like ability to see apostrophes used incorrectly. Join me on the pscychiatrist's couch as I attempt to explain my psychosis.
Timeliness - I guess it all goes back to when I was 15. It was the first time I was allowed to go out with friends who had their driver's license. It must have been a school night because I believe I had to be home by 9:00. I arrived home at 9:05, greeted at the door by my dad who informed me that I was late. I protested saying that I had no control, someone else was driving. He grounded me for a week and told me that I should choose more responsible friends....
I can't remember not being obsessed with punctuality. My heart races when I'm late. I get warm and sweaty when there's even a chance that I'll be tardy for a dentist appointment. I spend more time planning a trip by time constraints and schedules than I ever spend actually packing. I go places alone because I don't want others to witness my nervousness.
It would be easy just to say that I respect people's time, but I'm afraid it goes deeper than that. On a positive note, if I say I'm going to be somewhere and I'm not, it's time to notify the authorities.
Punctuation:
Making something plural is usually done by simply adding an "s" to the end of said word. In some cases, you might actually add "es". (Here's where the pot begins to boil over). Since when the FUCK did it become acceptable to add an apostrophe "s" to signify plurality????!!!! I see it EVERYWHERE!!! "Hot Dog's $1.00", "Home's available", "All television's reduced", and most recently "Happy Holiday's". How completely stupid do you have to be to make this error?
I've seen it done on professional signs, in newspaper ads , even at an elementary school. There is an apostrophe "s" epidemic!
What agitates me even more is that it actually takes an extra keystroke to add that stupid apostrophe. When you're making that damn "Puppy's for Sale" sign you actually have to take your Sharpie and make an extra movement. Exactly what thing that the puppy owns is for sale, you friggin' moron??
If I were diagnosed with an incurable disease I'd spend the last week of my life on earth shooting people that use apostrophe "s" to make things plural, and stabbing people that think it's o.k. to throw that cigarette butt out their window.....but that's a whole other rant for another day.
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