Rat Bastard!!!

In the latest chapter of the Brookshire Cleaning Frenzy, I organized my books last night and this morning. I filled several containers with books I don't necessarily need at hand, but don't want to get rid of. So, this morning, before it got too hot in the attic, I hauled the containers up the attic stairs.

I've known that I've had a creature(s) living up there. Until recently I hadn't seen any activity. A month or so ago I saw some fresh terds. While my mom was in town a few weeks ago we bought some rat traps. I set a couple with some peanut butter and put them along an apparent trail. I've checked them every day or so, but nothing.

This morning I smelled a perculiar smell. Not quite bad yet, but something was definitely afoul in the attic. I grabbed my flashlight and did not see the bigger of the traps. Of course, the areas where I had to put the traps are hard to get to. I climbed closer to see a big tail and body, with an ugly old rat head neatly squeezed in the trap.

Now, I've seen some gross things in my life, but for some reason dead animals make every nerve in my body wiggle. Immediately, my mind started racing about how I'm going to get this son of a bitch out of my attic. I grabbed three trash bags and stuffed them inside each other. I opened the bag as wide as I could and set it between me and the rat/trap. I grabbed my long flat shovel and scooped him up. Wisely, I did this in relative darkness. If I had the flashlight on I'm pretty sure I would have had a puddle of puke to clean up as well.

I tied up those three bags and set them in an additional bag that already had trash in it. I'm now trying to decide if it can sit in my trash can until Monday, when the trashman comes again. In the meantime, I guess I need to go buy additional traps. This bastard was so big that he may have eaten any other competition, but I doubt it.

The only positive is that it appears he was probably caught yesterday. Any longer in my 130 degree attic and I'm pretty sure I'd have had a real gem of a mess to clean up. Sometimes life just ain't funny.

We don't need no stinkin' camp...

Olivia wanted no part of camp yesterday. Her mom brought her over and me and my little girl spent the day together. She's really done a great job adapting to different camps, so it was ok with me that she just wanted a day away.

We worked cleaning out my storage unit and went to the dump. The dump is a fascinating and scary place for a 6 year old. She didn't like the smell, but she liked that went over the scale to get weighed. I let her pay the lady on the way out - it's the small things that get them excited.


We went to the pool for a while. Olivia did a flip off the diving board! She reaches down and grabs her ankle and just topples over - it's funny. I never cease to be amazed that with the advent of the anacronym MILF, that I never see any in East Cobb. Our pool offers zero to look at.

Brookshire Fitness Solutions has its first client! I am now training a local attorney. He has a goal of completing an Olympic distance triathlon in a little over a year. Friday morning I will do a two hour assessment and bike fit, then I'll set about the task of setting up a training regime to fit his busy schedule. Should be fun and profitable.

My mind on my money and my money on my mind....

The past 24 hours have been pretty good. It's about time.

Last night I played poker with the usual crew and finished second. Only made $40, but that will put gas in the car. Woke up early this morning and drove to Lawrenceville and did a bike race. I was worried about my fitness, but was really never put in too much pain. I kind of screwed up with a mile to go and lost a bunch of positions, but managed to claw my way back to 10th by the finish....the last position to pay! Made $20 for that. Nothing to write home about, but a top 10 is good by me. My entry fee was covered, so it only cost me gas money.

At work today an attorney that I had helped a couple of weeks ago came in and asked me if I knew anyone that could coach him to do a triathlon. "I'm your man!". We talked for about 15 minutes. I'm e-mailing him a proposal, which is just a re-hash of what we had already talked about. Looks like he's interested. If it goes well I'll make enough money to pay my child support each month! He has long-term goals, so this could be a long-term thing. His primary goal is a year off. He seems like a very personable guy, which bodes well.

Headed to the storage unit to get some stuff to put in the shed. It's been a busy day.

Shed Life

The shed (cute girl not included)

I've stupidly been paying $125 a month for a storage unit for more than three years. I've talked about building a storage shed in my backyard since moving in over a year and a half ago. Finally, my mom and dad convinced (helped) me do it.


My dad came down yesterday and we went shed shopping. I could have gotten a wooden one with more space for about the same price, but there would be more time and maintenance involved. We build an 8'X8' platform and used decking material, supporting it on concrete deck blocks. We bought a Rubbermaid 7'x7' vinyl shed. It went together in just over two hours and actually seems like it's pretty well built. From start to finish we might have spent 5 1/2 hours - not bad.


I now have a convienient place to put my tools and store misc. stuff. Just one more thing on my checklist now checked off!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ....please!

I gotta get some sleep, man. I haven't slept more than 6 1/2 hours in 3 or 4 months. I've tried everything. None of the sleeping pills I've tried have worked well. I wake up every night around 4 am. Sometimes I'm able to go back to sleep, but more often I end up thinking for a good half hour to hour.

I'm up every day at 6:00 - doesn't matter when I went to bed. Most mornings I don't have to be up that early, but it's impossible to go back to sleep. I've never been one to sleep in. This 16 year old girl that recently started working at the shop told me she slept till 11:00 yesterday. Amazing. I can't remember sleeping past 9:30 in my life - and that was because I had stayed out until the sun came up.

I'd take one 8 hour night a week - I think it would work wonders. At least my appetite is back, for the most part. I didn't eat for 3 weeks.

I'm not nuts, just going through a difficult and stressful time. Life will return to normal soon and I will be a happy camper.

Just doing a good deed...

What a day. I rode to work today - about 36 miles roundtrip. I try to do it at least two or three days a week.



Riding in on a backroad I rounded a curve to meet head-on with a big truck coming to a stop in my lane. I came to a trackstand, balancing the bike while I tried to figure out what he was doing. I paused for about 5 seconds then mouthed "Move, you idiot". I went into the left lane and could hear him yelling at me. I yelled "Fuck you", then saw a big redneck standing on the side of the road. When he heard me he put out his arms and lunged at me. I yelled "..and fuck you, too!". Actually, it was pretty funny.

About 15 minutes before we closed it started pouring. Josh and Daniel had also ridden in. We waited a while and I decided to go ahead and ride in the rain. I was soaked by the time I hit Northside Dr. before a big climb. Then I saw this girl pulled off the road and she flagged me down. She had been in an accident and hydroplaned into a guardrail. Turns out she drove about a mile before actually pulling over. She was talking to a guy on her phone trying to tell him where she was, but she really didn't know. She said, "Here, talk to Lance Armstrong. He knows where I am".

The friend/boyfriend was kind of a dick. He obviously was pissed that she had called him. I stayed with her far too long until he finally showed up. She was a piece of work. She asked me to help her think of a lie to tell her dad. All I could think about was if Olivia was ever in this situation that I hoped she wouldn't be asking some stranger in Lycra how to lie to her dad. When dickhead boyfriend finally showed up I headed on home. It was pitch dark and almost 9:00 before I hit my doorstep.

Anyway, I figure I'll get some brownie points in case I'm wrong and there is a Heaven.

Oh, and one other thing...

So, I referenced a job posting that I had applied for last week. I had an "in" at the company and was pretty psyched as I was very qualified for the position.

Today, I was writing a follow up e-mail to the recruiter. I went back to the job posting to emphasize some key points....Then I noticed the first sentence of the job description - Must be fluent in Spanish.

I did a double take, then went back and reviewed the job to make sure it was the same one. It's the same one alright. However, at some point between last week and today the first sentence had been added.

I've tried to adopt a positive attitude lately, but I just want to punch someone right now.

You cannot be serious...

Holy crap! Has the general population just lost all pride??? Went to White Water Park today. There were several thousand people there - I might have seen one woman I'd be attracted to if I had a six pack (of beer, not abs).

If life, a baby, too much food, etc. has wrecked your body, for God's sake don't wear a bikini. I don't want to see your cellulite, stretch marks, scars and tattoos. The thing is, most of them seemed to be flaunting themselves. Just because they make a swimsuit in your size doesn't mean that it looks good on you.

Everyone also looked like they were related to each other. All I could think about was how in the hell I can't get a decent job when all these people look like they share the same DNA and ridiculously low brain cell count. I saw more blank stares than a seventh grade class that just had an unannounced math test thrust upon them. I felt like I was walking down the lobotomy hall of a 1940's lunatic asylum.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no Adonis, but I also wasn't walking around in a banana hammock with my ass crack showing. I seriously saw some late teen girl with one of her nips showing and about 3 inches of crack sticking out below her muffin top - oblivious to the whole thing.

Don't get me started about how much crap cost at that place. No more $2.00 lockers - you get "all day" access to some piece of shit 1'x1' hole for only $19. I saved $5.00 by buying our tickets online, only to find out that I'd be charged $3.00 for the convenience of actually printing the damn things. Another $10 for parking. I got bent over so often that when I left I felt like I had spent six months in prison.

My new positive outlook on life took a real blow today, but I have to take it all in stride. Olivia had a pretty good time and that's really all that matters. Tomorrow we're going to a Braves game. I'm lucky in that the tickets and parking pass were given to me. After I buy her a $10 popcorn and a $5 lemonade I'll be fine. Maybe a $8 beer will calm my nerves.

Everybody's workin' for the weekend...

Going to White Water Park with Olivia and a friend of mine and his daughter today. White Water is interesting. It's actually a pretty neat water park. It is usually very crowded and you see a myriad of people. Way too much skin that shouldn't be exposed...



Tomorrow I have Braves tickets that my friend Keith gave me. It's an afternoon game and it's supposed to be 94 degrees tomorrow. I'll lay even odds that Olivia doesn't make it through the 4th inning before wanting to call it a day.


The job search continues to be a roller coaster. I have a freind that has been a tremendous help. I found a job that I am qualified for with her company, but the recruiter for the job has been fairly unresponsive to her inquiries. It sucks, because she has great relationships with most of the recruiters....but not this one. Her and her husband are both contractors for Northrop Grumman and are both very happy with their jobs. Another huge benefit to this job is that it apparently can include a good bit of telecommuting - perfect for my situation. We'll see.


Olivia was in Science Camp this week. I think she enjoyed it. I find her camp experiences are a direct reflection on which (if any) of her friends are also at the camp!


Cyclocross season starts in about 3 months. I shouldn't be thinking about it until I get a job, but I need some sort or extracuricular activity to get me excited or I'll just get depressed. Cyclocross was a blast last year. I'm more fit this year, so we'll see how it goes. The season is short (about 8 weeks) and races are Sunday mornings at 10 am. Most of the courses are within an hour of Atlanta and don't cost much to enter. It's a great atmosphere and I really enjoy hanging out with my team mates.

Nothing changes

Today, the third rider in less than a week was thrown out of the Tour De France for drug use. It amazes me the number of people that come in our shop that are shocked at this. There hasn't been a tour in a decade that hasn't been rocked by a drug scandal - why the shock?

It's no defense, but no other sport requires their athletes to do what professional road cyclists do. European pro riders will race in excess of 120 times a year - that's once every three days....at their limit...most of the time for more than 4 hours at a time. The other days they are riding at least three hours during training - some days more than twice that.

The drug tests are getting more sophisticated, but so are the chemists. I don't see it stopping anytime soon. Just watch a single day of coverage of the Tour. You have never seen more rabid fans in your life. I dont' think Americans can really grasp just how huge this sport is in other parts of the world. Win a stage in the Tour De France and you are a hero in your country for life.

Cycling is doing all it can to rub off the tarnished image, but no other sport has been rocked more by rampant drug use. I'm not one of those that thinks they should just "open up" the sport and allow drugs. I'm all for fighting the good fight, but I think it's all for naught.

This n' that

That's Emile Abraham from Trinidad in front - he's a pro for Team Type 1 and won the overall title this past weekend. I'm sitting fourth, but going nowhere... Below is me leading Dan Holt (he finished second overall) and the legs you see are none other than former Olympian and multi national champion, Kent Bostick. This is coming around turn 4...they both passed me by the finish line :(

As some of you know, I raced at the track last weekend. I didn't have any decent results, but I didn't embarrass myself either. I rode aggressively, and a few moves had a chance of paying off, but the legs just aren't there to race with guys that do this for a living. I finished in the pack during most of the races - good enough.

If I can find the time to put in some more short intervals and sprints, I'll probably race again in September. There are three Festivals of Speed at the track during the year - these are when the big boys show up, and last weekend was the second one.

On the job front, I've had a few letdowns in the last weeks. The job market is very tough. However, I have a couple of leads that may show some light soon. I don't want to get to excited, but we'll see.

Olivia is at Science Camp this week. She seems to be enjoying it. I want to do something special with her this weekend. I have been on edge lately and probably not the dad I want to be lately. Got to remember my priorities.

What is wrong????

On the way to pick up Olivia from camp today a car turned in front of me. It was a Lexus with this sign on the side:

We make Custom Bras

Over 240 different size's

First of all, it's funny that a custom bra company is out there and this is the way they market them. Then, of course, there's the problem with the apostrophe.....How is it that I can't get a job writing or editing, but the G.D. moron that a) sells custom bras, or b) makes custom signs is allowed to walk through life unmolested for his stupid use of an unnecessary apostrophe?

I know, you're thinking that he's on another rant. Not so - just making a point. In fact, I'm doing my damnedest to adopt a positive attitude. It ain't easy lately, but I'm determined to do it. It's almost scary how much I've gotten accomplished in the last week. My life and my home are close to being in order. All I need now is a regular schedule and gameful employment. My self imposed deadline of August 1 is fast approaching.

I've made mention a couple of times lately that I would love "a la carte" cable. After all, I only watch about 5 or 6 channels - none of them are a major network. I really enjoy Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations. He travels the world, sampling food and hanging with locals. I watch Family Guy every night before bed. I watch old movies on AMC and TCM. I like Man Vs. Wild and Dirty Jobs on Discovery.

Damn, am I getting skinny... Weight loss at my age should be a good thing, and I certainly could have used a few less pounds. Unfortunately, now none of my pants fit. They literally fall off of me. I'm the lightest I've been in 11 years.

I hurt my back doing a can opener for Olivia at the pool on Saturday. How in the heck do you hurt yourself doing that? It wasn't a triple flip or anything. Ah, I love getting older.

On The Road Again?

OK, OK, I said the last post was it for a while, but this is too funny not to share.

Anyone who's ever done a monotonous sport knows what it's like to let their mind wander. Oftentimes, if you're not wearing an iPod, you'll get a tune in your head. Chances are it will be some stupid song that you wouldn't admit you like, but really do - something by Wham, Culture Club or Hall & Oates. Possibly some other "are they gay or just close friends?" duo of the early 80's. Today, on my ride to work, I got a song in my head....The theme from "Alice". Uh, yeah, you know how it goes - "There's a new girl in town and she's looking good. There's a fresh freckled face in the neighborhood..."

Are you fucking kidding me?!!! I don't know that I watched that show more than five times, and it's got to be 25 years old. Not a single redeeming quality - no good looking chick, no funny character, no real plot at all, unless you consider the struggling single mom who works slinging hash scenario interesting and heartstring pulling. Alice was about at hot as the Beiring Sea....But there it was, going over and over in my head. Couldn't shake it no matter how hard I rode or tried to deprive my brain of oxygen...."Early to rise, Early to bed. In and between I cooked and cleaned and went out of my head.."

It's been a long time since I read the classics, but if I recall, in Dante's Inferno there are long descriptions of the various levels of Purgatory. You're certainly not in Heaven, but you're not far from Hell. In these rooms are people in various stages of uncomfort, serving their endless time. Dante was probably right to scare us into wishing for either extreme over Purgatory. It would remind you too much of when you were living - toiling away with some douchebags who had similarly screwed up their lives.

I will be in a room with a bunch of other morons. We will be forced to watch silent episodes of Hee-Haw while a continuous loop of "Alice's Theme" plays on a loudspeaker - the volume just high enough to be slightly distorted as to annoy the living shit out of you. It will be akin to Chinese water torture. Every five minutes, Mel will scream at Flo to get back to work and Vera will have another one of her nervous attacks. Just for shits and giggles we'll all have hair like Alice's son, Tommy. You know, that shitty long, over the ears, late 70's 'do that made everybody look like they just took a hit from a bong or were an extra in a cheap porn flick. Think Leif Garret before rehab.

Every four hours a nurse will come by and give us a Viagra. The only problem is that our hands will be tied behind our back, and a cellophane covered copy of Boobs N' Buns will be just out of reach. You'll spend the next four hours listening to Alice's theme, looking at those big knockered girls that pop up out of the cornfield on Hee-Haw, hoping to God that you don't suffer the dreaded "erection lasting four hours or more" side effect of the little blue pill.

Of course, you have to believe in Heaven and Hell...and I often sit on the fence. Really, you have to be a masochist to believe in God, but there are times when I just have to believe there is a God of some sort. If so, He's (notice I capitalized the "H" in He....just in case He's reading this and has his AP Style Guide by his side)...anyway, He's been kind of a prick lately (sorry, man, I just call it like I see it), but today He showed me that He's got a pretty funny sense of humor, too.

God, Kiss my grits...